My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
