You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
