I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
