Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
