I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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