im holly from the hills drunk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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