Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
