you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
