You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We need to get me chipped asap
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
