Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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