I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
