sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
