there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
