Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
