A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
