drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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