we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can I color on your dick again?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
