Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
