this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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