So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
