We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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