I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
