Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
