Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
