I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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