I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
