ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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