currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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