Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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