Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
