So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
