so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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