god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
