I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
