Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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