But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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