Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
