hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
