dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
