Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
