What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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