just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
