I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
