Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
