My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
