I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
