you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
