Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
