FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
