You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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