WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
